Disordered thinking and the boogey man

Originally posted to my Facebook on August 20, 2026

This may be one (in an ongoing set of posts) that makes absolutely no sense - to anyone else. Right now, I'm not even sure where it is headed.

Disordered thinking and the boogey man . . .

For every year you are alive, you gain more experience. Typically this also includes some knowledge and awareness of the world around you. It may also include some facts, stories, myths, and well-intended but poorly executed advice.

The boogey man, in my mind, falls into this last category of well-intended but poorly executed advice.

I grew up listening to this version of Pandora's Box

(many thanks to the YouTube user for this link:

https://youtu.be/AYph2G3kzHI?si=BLJVMre2EBxnOGED )

If you aren't familiar with the story, in a nutshell: Pandora is told not to open the box. She opens the box and lets all the bad things out, before slamming it shut again. And then, finally opens the box and lets hope out as well. It is much better if you listen. But I digress.

If morals, a code of conduct, or 'religion' gives you something to strive for, as well as things to avoid, in your pathway through life; this is generally thought to be good and helpful. When you experience disordered thinking, it is possible to get the incoming wires crossed.

So, the list of things to avoid (if you have no experience with them in real life) just sort of become an un-embodied boogey-man. Essentially, you *could* begin to fear stuff that isn't actually scary, and you might over-emphasize your behavioral obedience into a self-made straight jacket - just to avoid the boogey-man (or whatever evil is lurking out there in the 'scary' world).

Sometime between my 19th-21st birthdays, a college friend shared a story with me about an experience from his full-time missionary service. He and some of the other missionaries would get together to play basketball during the week at an outdoor court on (or adjacent to) the church property. And soon, some of the neighborhood children and young adults saw them and joined the game(s).

* For the record, I love to watch basketball (in person, not on a screen). I am simply amazed at what a human body can do, on a court, with a ball. My human body does not do that. Again, I digress.

The missionaries are technically assigned one day per week to prepare for the coming week - laundry, cleaning, shopping, etc. (I've never been a 'full-time missionary', so this list is rather vague). My friend told me the mission rule was something along the lines of: missionaries were only supposed to play basketball on Prep days (or during exercise hours?). And weren't supposed to use basketball playing, in place of teaching, with investigators - a guideline my friend and his fellow missionaries sometimes didn't follow to the letter of the law. They viewed it more as a form of 'building relationships of trust' (also a mission guideline).

The point of my friend's story was to help me understand, not so much that rules are made to be broken; but, not all rules, if breached, have an immediate negative consequence (or possibly any negative consequence at all). A principle that had been drilled into me during my youth.

I think of those days as some intense life-coaching by this friend who (I believe) struggled (albeit, incredibly patiently) to get through to me, in my lack of self- (and worldly) awareness.

As we've previously covered, I quite often struggle with the meaning (big-picture) of language. I'm not sure this friend ever felt truly successful, but the mighty try was endearing in a way I'll be forever grateful. The lessons repeat in my mind from time to time.

So much of my youth was spent trying to unravel meaning (or find any meaning), and paying attention to things I had no earthly experience with. So, until I experienced something for myself - or saw it played out by others - I had very little comprehension of the lessons involved (religious or otherwise). When I say, I think in pictures, I'm being honest. So, concepts meant to scare children and teenagers into being good just became anxiety for me - on top of all the other stuff I was already confused about.

With my own children, I avoided lying to them, if at all possible. And I did my best to call out lying (or mistruths) adults tried to pass off on them.

For example: when an authority figure informed my oldest they had a rule against standing in the window sill (that was 3 inches off the floor) during a parent night on campus, . . . I openly questioned (in front of my son) if it was really a rule, or if they just didn't want kids standing there, and to please give him an explanation.

And with my second son, when an authority figure informed him she was a 'handwriting expert', I didn't call her out (as perhaps I should have); but she lost my respect immediately.

Intentionally lying to children is stupid (in my mind), and generally backfires. Adults often aren't good enough story tellers that kids don't figure it out, eventually . . . even me (with some help).

If we want to talk about truthfully scary things - like poverty, hunger, famine, starvation, homelessness, genocide, etc. - we can label the boogey man for what it is. There are plenty of truly scary, evil things in the world. Why would we want to start fabricating them, just to prove a point? A question I'm still asking myself.