Disordered Thinking and the extremes

Also linked to my Facebook on August 31, 2026

I don't know if it is possible to make mental illness seem relatable (or comprehensible) to people who haven't experienced it. As long as my sentences make sense, it is conceivable the assumption would be that my thoughts do as well. And of course, I'm absolutely certain at least some people will disbelieve or discount any symptoms I may have experienced as normal in the course of human life. Which up until about 10 days ago, although I knew I wasn't feeling in tip-top shape, I don't know that I would have recognized how bad it had gotten. So many of these same associated symptoms come and go in my 'normal' life. 

This dialogue is poignant (to me)
"I always wished I'd seen the signs."
"You're seeing them."

I need to be absolutely clear (for the sake of my family): I am not doing 'that'. Please believe me, I would call you.

We live in a day of such extremes though. I'm not sure we even recognize when we've reached the point of absurdity anymore. Just as an example - fitness trainers are dedicating a lot more hours exercising than the rest of the population - upwards of 8 hours a day. So of course their bodies look different than the rest of us. And they are the ones giving us fitness advice. But that same thing goes for nearly every industry. The people giving advice practice their specialty full time. And some of the advice is simply impractical for the rest of us. Some things aren't even healthy anymore, if taken to the extreme.

If your life is already imbalanced in one area (or more), you may not be able to do any more heavy lifting. I truly am happy that there are other people who can keep the gears greased and running in all the functional areas of their lives - personal, work, marriage, children, social, volunteer, religious, etc.

For some of us, it can take a lot less to tip us over the edge - because that is where we perpetually live - in that margin, on the edge. One additional personal health episode, one more emergency room visit with a child, one more request for service from an outside party, and we may be drawing from an empty bucket. Sometimes just doing the minimum is already too much, when you are overextended.

But if being overextended is already the norm, we may not realize we are pushing other people past their breaking point with the next expectation or invitation to 'do better'. Some requests, however well intended, are setting others up for failure . . . and the feeling bad about yourself that inevitably accompanies it.

On any given day, the average person can probably deal with multiple requests, a disappointment or two, and a handful of difficult assignments. It isn't always obvious to the outside observer though, when your one request made, disappointment delivered, or additional difficult assignment becomes one too many.

We talk about warning signs, but sometimes we are just so busy with our own lives, we fail to see what is going on with those around us. I'm not ready to diagnose the entire human population with being too busy (and by extension, insensitive). I don't think that is the case.

I think the brain prioritizes efficiently and creates a hierarchy of importance for all our given tasks. In the case of disordered thinking though, this process doesn't function the same. Current research suggests there may be an association with synaptic pruning (the brain's process of cleaning house) and neurodevelopmental disorders such as schizophrenia, and autism spectrum disorders.

Just as a thought experiment:
If every piece of good moral advice you ever received in your life operated its own sub-routine in your brain (like a line of code in a computer program), you might have one or two that ended up interfering with each other. And if your brain was unable to move forward when it came to these two or three pieces of 'cognitive dissonance', you just might struggle to free up enough working memory to function 'normally'. And when I say normally, I mean appearing to function like every other person whose brain simply discards unused input after a period of time. But because someone told you this piece of code was important, for some reason you've been unable to discard it. And it cripples the entire system.

In my experience interacting with people who have mental health challenges, they rarely deal with just this one thing. Quite often, in addition to the disordered thinking, they experience one or two physical health related issues as well. 

Here's my best real life analogy:
Years ago, I worked for a property management company. One of the company's several complexes had a central boiler to provide hot water for the complex. It also had a swimming pool (not heated). As the resident manager, I lived on the property, collected rent, and interacted with the renters. On the Thursday before a Monday-holiday weekend, the boiler went out. A part had to be ordered from out of state and would not arrive until Tuesday the next week. So, the the entire complex of 35 regular units and 8 daily-weekly-monthly efficiency units were without hot water for about five days.

I was sympathetic to the residents, as I had no hot water either. But I at least had a bathtub, and could heat water on the stove and mix it with cold water in the tub for my son. We had some units with only showers and hotplates. Needless to say, some people were unhappy.

When I asked the maintenance man what I should tell the residents (ie, could I tell them they would have pro-rated rent for those 5 days . . . ). He said to tell them exactly what one of the two owners told him, "My hot water heater works just fine. I don't know what their problem is." And, "they can use the swimming pool."

I would imagine he was joking . . . at least I would hope so.
But, the tone deaf nature of the statement, whether it was actually intended for the residents was disappointing. In the words of the maintenance man, "The owner calls himself a slum-lord."

So, as you interact with other humans, don't be tone deaf (aka - my brain works just fine. I don't know what is wrong with yours!); particularly if you believe they may be experiencing disordered thinking (or other mental health issues). They might just be more concerned about a higher priority (like a shower) than your 'first world' problem. As much as the want to help you, it is possible they truly can't . . . without offending you in the process (see B.O., lack of shower, reference above).