Mental health and the unknown taboo subjects

 Originally posted to my Facebook on July 14, 2026

When the health (and mental health) of your family is veiled in whispers, rumor, and the unknown (taboo subjects), it is difficult to determine what the truth really is.

My great grandmother died at the age of 33, the age my oldest is now. Since my grandmother was only 4 when her mother passed, she never really knew her own mom. Grandma was raised by her maternal grandmother, who was by then a widow.

When my great grandmother died, she left behind a four year old, a two year old, and a four day old. She gave birth to four children in six years; the oldest only living 10 months before passing.

I guess none of this seems particularly remarkable, if you consider the time. It was the 1920s, before penicillin and most of the regular childhood vaccines we have today. People died from scarlet fever, diphtheria, and pneumonia. It wasn't that unusual.

My great grandmother, Josie, gave birth to four children, and passed four days after giving birth to her last child (and only son). I assume she died from complications of childbirth; but I'm left to wonder, is that really what was wrong with my great grandmother? What was her physical health like, prior to all this . . . and her mental health?

Her husband's life story says, ". . . with his wife being ill a good deal of the time, the family decided to return to Thatcher where his wife could be cared for by her mother." They'd been living in Bisbee where he worked at the mine, and then Mesa before moving back to Thatcher, where the youngest was born.

In my grandmother's life story, she writes about her mother:

"She was a very intelligent, talented woman and attended the L.D.S. Academy in Thatcher after elementary school.

"Most of my knowledge of her came from my grandmother, with whom I lived after my mother's death."

She mentions her parents marriage and her mother's passing, along with this:

"I would like to mention that my mother was engaged to be married while she was fairly young, and was jilted by the man she loved very much. Evidently she was haunted all of her life by this."

I can't figure out what is being said and what is left unsaid, to be read between the lines? It is impossible to know the true state of Josie's health, given the vague descriptions.

Family stories say my great grandfather, Josie's husband, Milton was raised by his indulgent sisters, after their mother died. He was only 13, and never really learned to work, be responsible, or hold down a steady job. . . or so the story goes.

What was my grandmother told about her own mother that never made it into the history? And was she told the truth, by her grieving grandmother?

In all the pictures I can find of Josie, her face and trunk appear fuller than the rest of her siblings and cousins (almost swollen), which may mean absolutely nothing.

They married in 1912. He was 24; she was 21. It all seems very normal. And yet . . . I wish I knew.

Regardless of her mother Josie's health, my heart breaks for my grandmother. The death of her mother, and then the absence of both a mother's and father's love definitely affected my grandmother. I'm not sure she ever recovered from it, because she was emotionally vulnerable for all the years I knew her.

Yes, my grandmother rallied enough to attend college, get a job, serve in the Women's Army Auxiliary Corps (WAACs) during WWII, marry, and have seven children in nine years . . . but behind her brave face was a broken heart.

Someday I'll learn the truth and hopefully understand.